Sexual ignorance

[sarahmichigan]

The sexual ignorance of some people makes me want to weep. Truly.

Sextips usually makes me laugh or want to cry. People insecure about whether they're 'normal.' Women who think it's unusual that they can't come from P-I-V sex (honey, the clit is a woman's main sexual organ!). People who think their lovers aren't dedicated to them because their lovers look at porn or have sexual fantasies. Men who think that wives are for clean and proper sex, and only sluts suck cock.

At least most of the people on sextips are there to educate themselves. Unfortunately, the people who probably most need an education about human sexuality are often the ones most insecure about seeking that information. . .

Comments

[timmytm.livejournal.com]

People seem to be striving some sort of ideal when no true one exists. I find it much more fulfilling to enjoy my relationships and experiences on their own terms, not somebody else's. I've never had to ever post a question on sextips (or any other community, really) simply because I can sort things out for myself and follow through on the steps it will take to fix things.

Or maybe people just like pre-emptively asking questions, looking for validation. Don't know.

I find it hilarious when one post will be about how to get a guy to "last longer" in bed, and then next will be about to get a guy off in the first place. The recent one about a guy whose girl orgasms too fast made me smile. It works both ways.

I think a lot of problems could be fixed if people didn't view sex as a singular act. I consider intercourse just a part of lovemaking. Girls might orgasm more during sex if they were warmed up first. Guys might not orgasm so fast if sex was it. I like variety in my lovemaking.


The ultimate hilarity is the difference between a guy and a girl posting about wanting more oral sex. Guys will get a lecture about being more understanding. Girls will get a lecture about finding a new guy and not having to put up with it. Generalizing, but you know its true.

I'll stop there lest I write more than you have. Oh wait, nevermind.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

You're not the only one who has noted the double-standard about men and women asking about the same sort of thing and getting different attitudes. Think it has to do with the demographic that the average sextips poster is an American female between 17 and 24?

[timmytm.livejournal.com]

Entirely possible. It's an age when people are still exploring how to accept themselves, as well as accepting other people into their lives. Sometimes we just experience things at different times. I've always considered myself a step ahead of the curve, but it was still that critical intimacy which made me just.. get it.

[flyinglemurs.livejournal.com]

HAH, that is funny. You know, to be honest I have not really been around all *that* much in the world all , but gads, I know these things. I guess I must be pretty open minded. And you know I wouldn't care one bit if my lover is looking at porn, as long as he doesn't expect me to look *like* the girls in there. If he understands that and its adults in the pictures, well generally we are good. And sexual fantasies, well darn I hope so...more fuel for the fire you know? Clean and proper...proper?!?..what fun is that? Hmm. Only sluts..LOL. I'm guess nearly everyone I know is a slut of some sort then.

Btw since you talk about it sporadically I went to check out this sextips site. My oh my. But what amazed me is not what people had questions about, so much as how many people are so much more willing than I to talk about those things openly-on-the-net, with full names and everything. Yipes. But thats their decision, to each their own. And it was some pretty enjoyable/interesting reading it really was. thanks.

[stacycat69.livejournal.com]

I keep debating if I want to stay on sextips or leave it :-) I mostly look for those posters that have good responses, then read their journal to see if they are cool like me :-D

I think its awesome that people have a place to go to ask questions like this. On the other hand, a lot of the questions make me cringe (usually the ones where the other party is clearly an ass, or the ones where they show their ignorance of STD's and pregnancy) but a lot of the questions are valid. The "normal" insecurities are part of anyone, (lol, mine are just about weird stuff, rather than normal sex)

Ever read the Janus report? Kinda dry, but very telling. Im definatly going to get out of the South :-)

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

No, I haven't read it. I looked up some reviews on amazon.com, and a couple people mentioned problems with the methodology, but that doesn't mean it couldn't be a thought-provoking read anyway.

[xx-carebear-xx.livejournal.com]

Gosh, I have these exact same feelings everytime I read the posts on there, for the most part. I can't understand what half of these people are doing even being in contact with another person. Well that may be too extreme, and I know its not something I should say according to the community rules, but really now. I just can't help myself.

There is no such thing as "normal"
If I didn't have a clit, I would never have an orgasm either.
Man, bring on the porn, I'll watch it with you!
Not to mention I think I'm the biggest slut around.

I swear, I don't get it either. I guess its hard to see where these people are comming from, because I myself am sooooo open minded and educated when it comes to this stuff. To me it just seems like common sense. I can't even recall how many men in my life, just by talking to me, think I'm great because no other girl they dated would be so open minded.

Grrrr...Ok, I think I need to stop with this comment now, because it kinda aggravates me to think about. Ugh.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

It's not so much that I'm bothered by naive or "stupid" questions (though I do get irritated by people posting a question really similar to something that was just posted the day before or something easily answered by looking in the memories). I guess the list is somewhat depressing to me because I HOPED that the sexual ignorance in the country was waning and people were more educated about sex than they are.

My parents were extremely conservative evangelical Christians, but my mother told me all about the anatomy and biology of sex and discussed the moral issues with me throughout my grade school and junior high years. In fact, she taught a 6-week unit on sex ed for Junior High age kids in Sunday School, and taught a seminar on how Christian parents should talk to their children about sex!

[xx-carebear-xx.livejournal.com]

I would have to agree. When I was in Jr. High and High School we had health classes about sex and whatnot, and the teachers were always talking about how schools are trying to educate the kids more about sex in general. From what I read in the community, not many schools must do this. I know that when I have children, I will definitely be having talks with them about sex, and related issues. I don't want my children to be misinformed.

I think that is really great that your mom did that. Very responsible. More parent's should have that mindset, no matter what religion they follow. I had a friend in school who's parents were very strict Baptists. The only time they mentioned sex to her was to tell her never to do it until she got married. I remember the way she used to talk about it, I felt bad.

My parents are not closed minded to the idea of sex, but we haven't actually had any real conversations about it. But, I turned out alright I think. =)

[timmytm.livejournal.com]

It seemed like my school system tried, at the time. But, after educating myself, it was obvious how uneducated I really was. There should be a one-credit class called "Oral Sex 101", covering anatomy, fluids, STDs, consent, etc and ultimately a paper on what you think oral sex is. *laughs*

[xx-carebear-xx.livejournal.com]

LMAO!!!

That is just too funny. I remember how traumatized I was when my Health teacher in High School, mind you he was very short, gray hair, and terrible yellow teeth...well he was showing us how to put a condom on, and instead of using a banana or something, he put it over his fingers. I thought the class was going to die of laughter.

But really, bottom line, people need to be more educated. That might help control the STD outbreaks and what not. Common sense people, common sense!

[timmytm.livejournal.com]

We got AIDS rammed up our asses to the point of not really caring. Every year. OMG, AIDS! My friends and I joke, "You have nothing to fear, except SuperAIDS."

Textbooks full of facts seem so distant when you don't have a clue what they're talking about. The difference between a healthy lung and a black lung (to scare kids from smoking) made a difference for me. Kids should see what herpes is.

I never saw a condom in school. I remember buying some on my own for my own fascination and trying to figure out how to put it on. One critical thing: A female friend once told me to hold it at the base after I orgasm, otherwise it can slip off. She knows this from personal experience.

I find it ironic that Sweden has porn on public TV to try and increase their birthrate. They're just not having enough sex over there!

[xx-carebear-xx.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, those poor poor people!

We did at our school see pictures of all the STD's. Especially in my college Health class. I saw some pictures that I never hope I see again. Made me even think twice about being super safe, even though I already am.

[stacycat69.livejournal.com]

Half of the Health classes got the STD slideshow. Unfortuantly, I got the "chewing tobacco" slideshow. I wonder how the other side is doing on their STD statistics?

[stacycat69.livejournal.com]

It amazes me that the things that I take for granted as "common sense" really arent that common in most outside open minded sexual people.

I just finished reading the Janus report, and it explains quite a bit about some of the attitudes that you see in the country.

[xx-carebear-xx.livejournal.com]

It amazes me that the things that I take for granted as "common sense" really arent that common in most outside open minded sexual people.

Oh my gosh, I don't think I could have put that any better. I come in contact with people thinking this way on an almost daily basis, because a friend of mine is that way. I just don't understand it sometimes.

*sigh*

[pastry-i-make.livejournal.com]

At times I think of dropping it. The biggest problem I have right now is it seems the same questions are asked over and over again. I blame this on the moderators. I think a lot of these questions can be simply answered by pointing them to past posts.

The biggest tip I have is just be open to trying anything that is pleasurable.

[amberdoopie.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately not a lot of people openly discuss sex, even with friends. I got a great mechanical explanation of how a baby is made early on by my mother, took care of an egg in sex ed, and learned about AIDS and date rape, but never knew anything really useful until I got on the internet. If people around you don't make themselves available for this sort of discussion - and they don't, damn that purtanism - then it's hard to broach the subject for those of us who want to discuss it.

I followed you from sextips, btw - I always enjoy your enlightning comments. And I agree - the posts have been rather repetitive as of late.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree that it's hard to get good sex information if your parents and schools don't do it for you. Even if you get the "how babies are made" talk, that doesn't do anything to make you a good lover.

I think my post came off as me making fun of people on sextips, but it's more that it just frustrates me that in this day and age we're still so ignorant and afraid.