Weren't girly skills issued along with the proper chromosomes?

[sarahmichigan]

I often think about the idea that people who are gender-queer or androgynous or in some other way have a non-standard gender presentation sometimes feel they are "impostors" or failures when they try to be very girly or very manly. I probably seem pretty girly to many androgynous or butch women with my long hair and my dark eye-liner, but I still often feel I'm a little girl playing "dress-up" when I present myself as particularly "girly". I especially feel this way when my hair gets out of my control and I can't make it do what I want to with it and see some other woman with smooth upswept hair, or when I think I've picked a flattering shade of lipstick/eyeshadow/what-have-you and then I see myself in the mirror and realize it doesn't really look that good on me.

Somehow, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with that sort of thing.

From this "Weddings, Marriages, and Musings" blog entry, Debbie says:

The big issue was that I decided at a very early age not to learn anything about being a "girl," and I've stuck to it stubbornly, and yet part of me believes that the skills were supposed to be issued with my chromosomes and I'm somehow a failure for not knowing what I'm doing.

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/body_impolitic/100895.html?mode=reply

Comments

[theal8r.livejournal.com]

That's funny you should post this this week. I've been watching some of the other teachers who are roughly my age or younger -- all are much more put together than I am -- hair, makeup, clothes, heels (HEELS???). I'd like to put it at the door of my having to get kids around in the morning, too... but I really don't look any less put together now than I did pre-child. In fact, I probably look *more* together. Which is a frightening thought all by itself.

There are men on staff more girly than I am, in terms of hair product, etc...

[rossja.livejournal.com]

I always like to joke and say, "I'm not a girl, I just play one on TV."

I don't carry a purse (unless I'm in a dress for a wedding, funeral, or job interview), I don't own a lot of shoes nor do I wish to, I never wear heels, I almost never wear full make up, I don't know how to do my hair (if it looks good, it's pure chance and not skill), I almost never paint my finger/toenails, and I hate shopping with a passion and the color pink.

But I guess I'm girly in a lot of other ways though that aren't physical, so it balances out.

Let me add....

[rossja.livejournal.com]

I think the extent to which one is girly, per your title, probably comes from female influences early on in life. My mom never wore make up or nail polish, her hair was always too short to style, and she wasn't exactly a fashion icon in terms of her clothing/shoe choices. We only ever went shopping for necessities, and although she had a purse when I was little, she doesn't have one today and hasn't for years.

So I think most of my girly influences came from friends and TV/movies.

[capybyra.livejournal.com]

It's also cultural as to time&place of "which gender" has "which details" per se rather than just a simple x or y for suchlike. I'd have to clarify my take on it as maybe there's equal parts of genetic 'Resonances" and the cultural matrix. Giggle- I have fond memories of dress up /make up with my sister, at an aunt's house, It was something that "just was" and as such remained unremarkable. Till some time later when a classmate was abused for having painted toenails in swim class. Which sharply split both boys and girls in our class over JUST such as you began with= are such skills genetic and if so, how to handle divergences. Needless to say- might be which folks I got closer to or farther away from.