Observations

[sarahmichigan]

-I am afraid to lose control. I feel like I've often HAD to be the one in control, the one "keeping things together," and if I let go, people will fuck me.

-Change, even necessary and/or good change, is scary.

-My sexuality is not defined by anyone else. I am a whole sexual being in and of myself.

-A mantid, close up, looks like an alien from another world, with that triangle face and glittering eyes. I bet some movie aliens are loosely based on members of the mantis family.

Comments

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

Maxim: The person who cares least about a relationship is the one who winds up in control of it. They have less to lose.

And I was under the impression that fucking you would be a good thing :)

[stacycat69.livejournal.com]

I really hate that maxim, however true it is. Of course, when im always the one that cares more, I get fucked over.

Control is a big issue with me, that ive delt with in my personal life and relationships. giving up control means that something will go wrong, that if I was in control of it, would not have happened. So, for me to give up control in whatever situation, I have to think about the consequences of that action.

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

The analysis doesn't work. If someone is going to fuck you over, they will do so regardless of whether or not you give up control. The fuckers will generally hang on far longer than the people you actually want to keep. The fuckers have to hand on, it's all they've got.

I eventually learned if control was an issue, I was hanging out with the wrong person and I needed to get done with them. It's more a sampling problem rather than an interpersonal issue. Once I started being aware that I was chasing off the good people and holding onto the assholes, it became much easier to find the people I wanted.

[dare2grok.livejournal.com]

Interested in your observation about your fear of letting go and opening yourself to being fucked. Are you speaking of the work or personal relationship environment, or both, or neither? If neither, what?

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I think just kind of in general, but mostly in personal relationships.

[dare2grok.livejournal.com]

I think it's smart to be protective of one's self in general. Of course, it shouldn't be a paranoid kind of mentality but rather just a common-sense approach.

On the other hand, if I foresee having to do things to protect myself from being fucked in a personal relationship, then that right there is a huge red flag isn't it? I'm not going to waste my time with people I can't fully trust emotionally. I'll drop them and continue searching. I have enough experience to know, Sarah, that good people are out there and I can find them . . . eventually.

However, are you saying that despite a person being good in all ways to you, there is some personal paranoia you will never overcome and will always prompt you, irrationally, to feel they could fuck you at any moment?

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I think that I've been too trusting in some cases and got fucked over, which can make me paranoid even when someone is treating me well; then I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In other cases, I think there's a good reason for being wary of losing control and fearing being fucked over.

[loba.livejournal.com]

...if I let go, people will fuck me.

Hells, sweetie... whether I am 'in control' or not.... people fuck me over (royally, recently....). For me, I think it's a crapshoot either way. Do what makes *you* happy.... because, in the end, that's really *all* you've got. *hugs*

[davehogg.livejournal.com]

-I am afraid to lose control. I feel like I've often HAD to be the one in control, the one "keeping things together," and if I let go, people will fuck me.

Boy, can I understand that.

*hugs*

*nodnodnod*

[ladyteal.livejournal.com]

Wow .... I could have written that. A lot of that has been on my mind lately as well ...(except for the mantis part)