question

[sarahmichigan]

At work, at home, in your personal life: What are you pretending not to know?

or

If you're not currently pretending not to know anything, can you recall an instance in the past when you pretended not to know something?



For instance, a woman comes across evidence that her spouse is cheating, but she pretends not to know so she doesn't have to deal with it.

A man pretends not to know his drinking is out of control.

A boss pretends not to know that her employee is performing poorly at work, because the employee is an old family friend, and the boss doesn't want to make waves.

Comments

[dionysus1999.livejournal.com]

I did a lot of pretending that my first gf wasn't cheating on me, even after my best friend told me she had hit on him.

[davehogg.livejournal.com]

I'm really bad at pretending not to know things. I tend to want to confront them. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I certainly can't think of anything right now.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I think it's a good thing. The question has been hanging around in my mind since I read a book called "Fierce Conversations." The author, Susan Scott, uses the questions to help her clients figure out what their biggest issues are, and how to start addressing them. Many of us don't like confrontation, and so we'll pretend not to know important things so we don't have to deal with them. But these very things are often the things that cause us the most anguish and need the most immediate attention.

[bernmarx.livejournal.com]

I feel in a quandary, because answering this question will reify those things which I'm pretending not to know, and I can't pretend not to know that writing down what I'm pretending not to know will make it much more difficult to pretend not to know them. :D

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

exactly. ;)

[livinginoctober.livejournal.com]

I pretended not to know that my ex was being emotionally/mentally abusive, instead I told everyone he did it because "he loved me". UGH.

I have done a lot of pretending not to know, but I'm working on that.

[chernabog69.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything I'm currently pretending not to know. In the past I have done a rather good job of pretending not to know how to do things at work. Of course, there comes a time when you just give up pretending & do it anyway because it's faster.

[tacit.livejournal.com]

I'm currently pretending not to know that one of the people in a gaming group I belong to is a dumbass without the basic grace God gave a hamster. Or, more accurately, I'm knowing this all too well, but I'm pretending that I'm pretending not to notice it. (How delightfully meta, huh?)

After spending rather a large number of years in a relationship where I was pretending not to know it wasn't really working the way i wanted to and pretending not to know that my partner was hurting my other partners, I've given up on pretending not to know things.

[flyinglemurs.livejournal.com]

Hmm, pretending my relationship is a lot better than it really is, and that it can be made better.

[m0n90053.livejournal.com]

Similar in some ways to the first example, my stepmother died about 10 months ago and somewhere around a couple of months ago (as far as when I became aware of it, at any rate), my dad started looking around, in part by searching on a few dating sites...

There are a couple of women that he's met as a result of responding to their ads or their responses to his whom I don't know if he's having any further contact with, but I do know that 3 weekends back, a lady who came down from (San Jose? - think...) stayed overnight at his place (his version of the story at least implies no sexual relations, as she slept in the guest room, but maybe that's just his version...), 2 weeks ago he did an overnighter with a lady up in Santa Cruz (in relation to which I got asked to come over and feed the dogs), last night he was at the open mic at Rollick's with yet another woman, and he's possibly going to show up at the luaua being put on at the church we go to with yet another woman.

Back along with th SJ lady who came down in part to meet him and in part to see the rodeo, he already asked me personally not to speak of any of the other ladies he might be seeing or what he might have recounted to me about any of them in the presence of any of them, and he made approximately the same request of my fiancee (who also goes to the same church, also goes to Rollick's, and is also going to the luau) that neither of us mention either of this weekend's ladies to the other...

So, my fiancee and I are at least being asked to pretend that we don't know something that we know...

And I'm not down with that.

One, my dad (in conjunction with my mother) didn't raise me up like that.

Two, one of the major reasons for my mom and dad getting divorced was that daddy is a playa. And his second marriage almost fell apart about 5 years in (if I remember the story correctly) for the same reason.

If Dad was telling each of these ladies, you know, I think you're interesting, I think I'd like to get to know you better, but on the other hand I also want to shop around a bit, so you're not necessarily the only person I'm going to be seeing at least until after a certain point in our relationship, and if he was open about it, I don't think I would have a problem with that, because that's the way I've always felt it should be. -Then, if your partner (one of your partners) has a problem with that, they have the opportunity to say, "Well then, if that's how you want it, I'm not likewise interested and I don't see why I should make any kind of investment in you or commitment to you when I'm not going to recieve the same in turn."

But this- this is ?lying.

And I don't know yet whether I'm going to confront him with how I feel about it, or if I'm going to try to just play along.