Uh, you're not THAT exotic

[sarahmichigan]

One of our computer techies at work was born in India. She's a cute little thing who is a new-ish mother with a baby who's about 9 months old. I was making chit-chat in the break room, asking if her bracelet has a special meaning or if she just thought it was pretty. I asked because my mother had a charm bracelet and added a charm each time she had a child.

The techie, J., went off on this rant (OK, maybe "rant" is too strong a word) about how people always assume that something she does is some special Indian or Hindu tradition. Her baby has one ear pierced.

"People ask me, 'Is that part of your custom to have only one ear pierced?' And I tell them no," she said. "The earring fell out of one ear when she was napping, and the hole healed over before we noticed." She just hasn't gotten around to re-piercing it.

Anybody who knows me well should know that while I am interested in other cultures, I'm not ignorant or nosy enough to ask that sort of question. That other people do ask those kinds of questions shouldn't surprise me, I guess, but it did a little. I mean, especially in this area, there are a lot of people with Indian heritage. It's not THAT exotic. It's not like she's an Eskimo or practitioner of Santeria or something. . .

Comments

[pstscrpt.livejournal.com]

As they say in Sith Academy:

"You told her that was the music of your people?"
"Punks and metalheads are my people!"

[dare2grok.livejournal.com]

I guess I would have straight up asked her, "Why are you so angry?" because . . .

I don't think that asking questions phrased in a manner which assumes there may be some cultural, religious, ethnic, or whatever basis involved is nosy or ignorant. If the questioner has some bona fide reason for making an assumption and is questioning out of sincere interest in the person and healthy curiousity, what's the beef? I do that not infrequently with my Indian, Chinese, Russian, etc. co-workers, and they respect and like my sincere inquisitiveness just as I respect and like it when they correct my assumption, if necessary.

People who can't look beyond their sensitivities to see that the other person is genuinely interested in them and embrace that, despite some minor human fallability, are a buzzkill.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I suppose by calling it a "rant" I was implying she was angry, but she was laughing about it. She just thought it was silly that people assumed every personal quirk had something to do with her being Indian.

[dare2grok.livejournal.com]

LOL . . . yes, that does change the visual in my head quite dramatically, since you've clarified. Thanks!

[cjdoyle.livejournal.com]

That does put a different spin on it. I hear "rant" and I assume people throwing things the way they do around here.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean "ignorant" as an insult, either, just as a descriptor. I'm ignorant in a lot of areas of knowledge, but that doesnt imply "stupid."

[dare2grok.livejournal.com]

I did read "ignorant" in the pejorative sense, but I know you, so I have no doubt you truly meant it in the "lack of knowledge" sense.

Given that, I think being ignorant (lacking knowledge) demands an even greater imperative to ask questions, even if they have some implicit assumption to them. So, I *am* ignorant enough to ask questions, and actually the more ignorant I am, the more questions I will ask. Of course, I agree with you though about being nosy. That's an inexcusable reason to ask questions. :D

[chernabog69.livejournal.com]

I work with a young Indian woman. Although I ask her a few questions about her culture, most of the questions I ask her have to do with adjusting to life in America or her husband. She's been in the US for about a year, and is a newlywed.