![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
This 'n' that
Jun. 10th, 2004 11:45 amBrave or Stupid?
I am surprised by how many people have used the word "brave" in connection with me quitting my job without having something else (besides temp work) lined up. I actually feel kind of foolish when people ask me what's next and I have to tell them I don't know yet.
Keepin' it fresh
On salon.com today, I think Cary Tenis gave some really good advice. The person who wrote for advice said they noticed that most long-term relationships either devolve into dysfunctional fighting, or the two people become estranged and distant from one another. Cary was asked how to avoid those two extremes, and he said to work on being an interesting person all by yourself, and that, in turn, would contribute to your overall satisfaction with your relationship. Basically, he said not to get set in your ways, but keep learning and taking on new causes, and that would make you interesting to your partner and help hold off the stagnation.
Some people have made me feel weird about the fact that J. and I are so independent and are our own people, and that there must be something wrong with our relationship because we're not 100 percent compatible in every way, don't want to spend every waking hour together, have separate friends, etc. But I think having your own separate friends and interests is really important. Having plenty in common is good, too-- there has to be a balance.
Tease me, please me
I'm thinking about "teasing." I recently read one post by one LJ-er saying that she'd only recently decided that teasing is OK, and one sexual act or sensual playfulness isn't necessarily a promise of anything further. Then, I read on another LJ a man musing about how frustrated he was with a woman who constantly teased him, and how resentful he was when she would let him go part way, but not all the way. He said that once you decide to be intimate, there shouldn't be an artificial divide, and you should be there completely, or not at all. I might have been reading him wrong on that, but that's the message I got.
I think (sexual) teasing is a touchy topic exactly because not everyone agrees on the rules for teasing. Some people LOVE to be teased and don't necessarily expect 'follow-through.' Other people have a really low tolerance for being teased. I talked with an acquaintance about "well, he said it was OK to tease him" and he said there was no fun in it if I had to ask permission to tease someone.
I am surprised by how many people have used the word "brave" in connection with me quitting my job without having something else (besides temp work) lined up. I actually feel kind of foolish when people ask me what's next and I have to tell them I don't know yet.
Keepin' it fresh
On salon.com today, I think Cary Tenis gave some really good advice. The person who wrote for advice said they noticed that most long-term relationships either devolve into dysfunctional fighting, or the two people become estranged and distant from one another. Cary was asked how to avoid those two extremes, and he said to work on being an interesting person all by yourself, and that, in turn, would contribute to your overall satisfaction with your relationship. Basically, he said not to get set in your ways, but keep learning and taking on new causes, and that would make you interesting to your partner and help hold off the stagnation.
Some people have made me feel weird about the fact that J. and I are so independent and are our own people, and that there must be something wrong with our relationship because we're not 100 percent compatible in every way, don't want to spend every waking hour together, have separate friends, etc. But I think having your own separate friends and interests is really important. Having plenty in common is good, too-- there has to be a balance.
Tease me, please me
I'm thinking about "teasing." I recently read one post by one LJ-er saying that she'd only recently decided that teasing is OK, and one sexual act or sensual playfulness isn't necessarily a promise of anything further. Then, I read on another LJ a man musing about how frustrated he was with a woman who constantly teased him, and how resentful he was when she would let him go part way, but not all the way. He said that once you decide to be intimate, there shouldn't be an artificial divide, and you should be there completely, or not at all. I might have been reading him wrong on that, but that's the message I got.
I think (sexual) teasing is a touchy topic exactly because not everyone agrees on the rules for teasing. Some people LOVE to be teased and don't necessarily expect 'follow-through.' Other people have a really low tolerance for being teased. I talked with an acquaintance about "well, he said it was OK to tease him" and he said there was no fun in it if I had to ask permission to tease someone.
