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sarahmichiganI saw this question asked in an advice column, and I thought it was interesting. I'm paraphrasing, but basically the question was: How do you know when a personality trait that annoys someone is something you should change, or if it's just a quirk that the other person should be more tolerant of?
Again, I'm paraphrasing, but the columnist said it depended on whether it was a personality trait that was actually reasonably liable to change, and whether you really wanted to change that personality trait.
She gave the example of being a worry-wart. If your tendencies to worry a lot annoys a friend or relative AND it's something you'd like to work on, you can probably learn some stress-coping techniques and can modify the behavior. However, your partner/friend cannot expect you to become a totally low-key laid back person, because it's probably part of your temperament to be a bit of a high-strung worry-wart.
In the book I've been mentioning, "Destructive Emotions," the brain scientists posited that you CAN change your temperament over time by repeatedly working on replacing negative emotional patterns with positive ones, but it's a very slow, gradual change.
So, do my readers have anything to add? Examples or counter-examples? Also, which personality traits would you like to change about yourself? I'll think about it a while and post some of my reactions in the comments.
Again, I'm paraphrasing, but the columnist said it depended on whether it was a personality trait that was actually reasonably liable to change, and whether you really wanted to change that personality trait.
She gave the example of being a worry-wart. If your tendencies to worry a lot annoys a friend or relative AND it's something you'd like to work on, you can probably learn some stress-coping techniques and can modify the behavior. However, your partner/friend cannot expect you to become a totally low-key laid back person, because it's probably part of your temperament to be a bit of a high-strung worry-wart.
In the book I've been mentioning, "Destructive Emotions," the brain scientists posited that you CAN change your temperament over time by repeatedly working on replacing negative emotional patterns with positive ones, but it's a very slow, gradual change.
So, do my readers have anything to add? Examples or counter-examples? Also, which personality traits would you like to change about yourself? I'll think about it a while and post some of my reactions in the comments.
