Observations

[sarahmichigan]

-I am afraid to lose control. I feel like I've often HAD to be the one in control, the one "keeping things together," and if I let go, people will fuck me.

-Change, even necessary and/or good change, is scary.

-My sexuality is not defined by anyone else. I am a whole sexual being in and of myself.

-A mantid, close up, looks like an alien from another world, with that triangle face and glittering eyes. I bet some movie aliens are loosely based on members of the mantis family.

Comments

[dare2grok.livejournal.com]

I think it's smart to be protective of one's self in general. Of course, it shouldn't be a paranoid kind of mentality but rather just a common-sense approach.

On the other hand, if I foresee having to do things to protect myself from being fucked in a personal relationship, then that right there is a huge red flag isn't it? I'm not going to waste my time with people I can't fully trust emotionally. I'll drop them and continue searching. I have enough experience to know, Sarah, that good people are out there and I can find them . . . eventually.

However, are you saying that despite a person being good in all ways to you, there is some personal paranoia you will never overcome and will always prompt you, irrationally, to feel they could fuck you at any moment?

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I think that I've been too trusting in some cases and got fucked over, which can make me paranoid even when someone is treating me well; then I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In other cases, I think there's a good reason for being wary of losing control and fearing being fucked over.