I think it bears pointing out that the Bible has been translated and re-translated so many times that taking anything in it completely literally (or taking it out of cultural context) is incredibly foolish.

Jesus also speaks allegorically quite a lot, as far as most modern theologians point out.

I think that making the blanket statement "Jesus was a dick" is just as shortsighted as any Christian trying to insinuate that you're a godless heathen who's going to hell.

I don't think any of us know the right answers to any religious quandaries, if you want to know the truth.