I read the footnote, but I had this know-it-all post all written in my head, and you know me, I just have to share.

I was going to say that, for me, it's:

None are ...
Not one is ...
No-one is ...
Nobody is ...

The only reason I can think of is that in all but the first, the emphasis is on the singularity. That is, from a boolean perspective, the sentence is NOT (x):

One student is happy.
Not one student is happy.

"None" to me always implies "of the Xs" and hence "not any."