Play-acting and drag

[sarahmichigan]

In a recent discussion about gender identity, I commented on a friend's journal that I think a LOT of people feel like they are play-acting or dressing in drag when they try out a look or a skill that they associate with femininity or masculinity that doesn't feel comfortable or natural.

I'm not comparing the magnitude of my discomfort to that of transgendered people who feel they were born in a body of the wrong sex, but I think many people have issues with gender identity that are just below the threshhold of consciousness, or that they are too embarrassed to tell anyone about.

When I was in grade school, I had long hair, and in high school and college, I wore it much shorter. One reason was that in photos of me as a 10- or 11-year-old, my long hair was ALWAYS a mess. I was a bit of a tomboy and didn't pay that much attention to my grooming.

Even today, I sometimes think, "I can't pick a flattering lipstick color to save my life! Other women surely are better at this than me." or "Why can't I put a barette in my hair and make it look nice and smooth like other women do? There must be something defective about me as a woman."

Of course, then I laugh at myself for having those thoughts.

I've gotten both men and women to admit to me that they have those thoughts occasionally. "Why can't I fix stuff around the house like guys are supposed to?" or "I was terrified of experimenting with makeup. Other girls seemed to put it on so effortlessly, but I had no clue."

How about you? Any ways in which you feel your natural habits or inclinations are somehow in conflict with your gender presentation?

Comments

*laugh*

[theal8r.livejournal.com]

Wearing uncomfortable clothes and looking like they are comfortable.
Keeping make-up smudge-free.
Doing my hair.
Juggle purse, purchased objects, kids and keys without dropping something or freaking out.
Dislike of grouping together in "hen parties".
Inability to hear someone's problems without trying to help get the the bottom (not just be able to "sit and listen" or have a "bitch fest" about the problem).
Keep my nails clean throughout the day.

BG once had a female friend who hated me because I was "too girly". I never have figured out what she meant by that.

Re: *laugh*

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I don't know about "too girly" but you certainly look lovely and luminous in that icon. I'm not a huge fan of perms generally, but the current 'do makes more of your face visible, and that's a good thing!

[stacycat69.livejournal.com]

With me, its gone a little deeper. Ihave a more "male" atttitude towards a lot of things. I am a very direct get to the point person, whereas women like to talk and chat about things. I am a once and thats it orgasm person, vs the keep going. I dont wear makeup.

but I like being a girl. I like having a vagina and breasts :-)

[effy.livejournal.com]

This might (for me) have something to do with the region in which I grew up (the midwest). I was never really concerned about feminity until I moved to the south (2 years ago). Here, I perceive every single woman has being feminine and wearing tons of make up. Again, just my perception. This perception was enough to get me to start wearing make up. My old self would have NEVER conformed the way I did here. So bizarre.

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

I tend to test has having both strong masculine and feminine traits, which lands me directly in an gray area called androgynous. I have found that most of my lovers (male and female) tend to have similar characteristics. The reason for this is that I find the personas of masculine and feminine to be shallow and lacking in character. I need not talk to a typical man because I know what his opinions are based on his gender role, communication is actually unnecessary.

Since being involved in the alternative sexual communities, I have come to the opinion that gender roles are largely irrelevant for well adjusted people. The constraints of typical gender roles actually cripple the individuals who carry them, leaving men without compassion or understanding and women without strength or logic.

That being said, the most boring people I have ever met are the TVs/transsexuals. This is partly because they will explain in arduous detail their long and fateful struggle to come to grips with their own gender (personally, I have been gripping my own gender quite happily since puberty). They tend to be so rigid in their thinking that they cannot allow themselves to engage in behavior that is atypical of the their biological gender without actually altering their gender through dress / surgery. This would lead one to the conclusion not that there is a problem in their gender but more that their is a problem with their world-view lacking flexibility. You are actually free to be whatever you want, you don't need the clothing or the genitals as an excuse for this.

The above does not apply to people who enjoy gender play (drag queens, Bend over boyfriends, etc). These folks understand and enjoy their bodies and are just having fun. That I respect.

[pstscrpt.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure quite what about your comment made me think of this, but it just struck me that my gender identity is a lot like my political views. I'm pretty left-wing or right wing on a lot of individual issues, but the average is basically moderate.

[pstscrpt.livejournal.com]

I was always closer to pretty than handsome (a bit less so lately, as I've gotten heavier), and I got teased about it (among other things) in elementary and jr. high school. I pretty much stopped worrying about it in high school, and even went with it by growing my hair out (also because my hair does not behave when short). In college, I noticed that that trait meant I tended to attract bi women.

I cook. I have long fingernails, and will even complain about breaking them (I have to use a guitar pick for two weeks!). I see no appeal in spectator team sports.

On the other hand, I work in an industry where it is speculated that there are more guys named "Steve" than women, I enjoy using a blowtorch when I cook, I'm fairly handy, and I listen mostly to heavy metal.

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

I'm very much a girl and I like being a girl, but I'm not necessarily a very feminine girl, and part of that is because I feel really inept at a lot of surface appearance that passes for feminine in our culture. So when I do dress up, it's really unusual and I always feel a bit uncomfortable, like I'm in costume.